The Narcissistic Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realise what is happening.
This is just one of the many signs of gaslighting and emotional abuse you’ll experience if you’re in a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist.
In the case of a covert narcissist, you might often find yourself getting the old silent treatment when entering the discard phase. They no longer react to your annoyance or upset and just smirk at your reactions with silence.
This should never be confused with ‘timeout’ where you need breathing space from a disagreement. Communication channels are still open in these circumstances but both parties agree to have space and come back when things cool down.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging and often unrewarding. For a narcissist to be happy, you’ll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you’ll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage. Even if you do everything they ask, a narcissist will still try and undermine you at every opportunity. It’s not like they’re going to reward you for good behaviour.
Narcissists do not have the capacity to love their partner in the traditional sense. If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist for some time, you will know that at the beginning, they showered you with undivided attention, gifts and compliments. But as time went on, things drastically changed; they withdrew, and in some cases, narcissists can become abusive. . While there can be various types of relationships with a narcissist; a person may have a narcissistic boss, a narcissistic friend or coworker, it is the narcissistic partner that causes the most painstaking trauma.
A narcissist has several tactics which he or she uses to control the person they are in a relationship with and they also invest their strategies to control the relationship itself. A narcissist is incapable of allowing himself or herself to go on a freewheeling ride where things are not under their control but that of life’s circumstances, which are a consequence of both people involved and fate. A narcissist will always try to be the rewarded individual and it is only their interests, wants and situations that matter.
When a narcissist feels that his or her importance is being diluted, their control is being challenged or they are not being the most rewarded one in the relationship, they will unleash a barrage of various ways to make the other person feel insignificant. One of the most common ways to do so is to bring in the silent treatment.
A good sign for anyone trying to fight back and gain control of their lives after abuse is that the silent treatment is a clear indicator you’ve made the Narcissist trigger their self defence mechanisms.
When this self defence mechanism is triggered they will stop talking to the person, ignore phone calls, leave texts on read and if one is living in with the narcissist then there would be a cold shoulder at all times. There will be no ability to talk things through, no emotional engagement or physical intimacy and the narcissist will actually behave in a manner that the other person doesn’t even exist. This silent treatment can be harrowing and painful for the person being abused. Silent treatment is actually classified as a common form of emotional abuse, most likely to be deployed by a narcissist.
How To Deal With The Narcissistic Silent Treatment?
Narcissists have an attitude of entitlement and superiority, which perpetuates a condescending attitude. And when you do not fall in line with their game they become quite upset (like a child having a strop), the narcissist either becomes quite vocal (tantrum), or you get the narcissist silent treatment.
The narcissistic silent treatment is very difficult to bear, especially in relationships that are relatively old or have progressed through the initial phases of dating.
When narcissists play the Silent Treatment game, it’s just that, a game. The only way you will lose is if you enter into the contest. And that’s not necessary.
The only way to deal with this treatment is to not to be effected by it or if possible walk out of the relationship. All people have weaknesses and so do narcissists. If a victim or abused person is aware of such weaknesses then those can be explored and used to break the silent treatment but else, coaxing or urging, requesting or even pleading apologetically will not help. Begging for forgiveness will feed the ego of the narcissist and will stop the silent treatment but that is the goal of this game and not advisable.
The rational option is to walk out of the relationship and remember this is emotional and psychological ABUSE.
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